Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Political Jokes

Erin Andrews sued the man who secretly videotaped her with a peephole camera while she was nude in hotel rooms. It extended her career and made her more popular than ever. Barack Obama just invited the Peeping Tom to tape him through the Oval Office windows.

BP capped the gushing well in the Gulf of Mexico Thursday. It was a victory of business and government. The oil company was able to go a mile underwater and shut off the well and the president was able to shave three strokes off his golf score.

Washington D.C. government workers and lobbyists and journalists were polled about their outlooks on America Monday. The polls shows the D.C. elite think the president's doing a great job, the economy's improving and the president will be re-elected. Most people can't get this high without a celebrity doctor and a prescription for Propofol.

The White House made plans Monday to send the National Guard to Arizona's border next month. The troops will have desk jobs. Now they just have to figure out how to get two hundred thousand illegal aliens a year to stop at the desk on their way in.

Hillary Clinton awarded Pakistan a huge U.S. aid grant at a Central Asian summit in Kabul Monday. We want nothing in return. The U.S. gave up trying to extract Osama bin Laden from Pakistan after we couldn't even extract Roman Polanski from Switzerland.

Washington D.C. was shaken by a minor earthquake Friday which rattled government buildings for thirty seconds. Seismologists say they had no idea there's a fissure in the earth running beneath the capital. Democrats immediately named it Bush's Fault.

The White House decided Sunday to defend the new health care law's insurance mandate as a tax. It forces you to buy an insurance policy from a private company, and it's enforced by the IRS. If Paul Revere rode tonight he'd be warning the townspeple of Lexington and Concord that the British health care system is coming.

The National Enquirer reported Monday that two more massage therapists accused Al Gore of sexually assaulting them when they came to his hotel room. He says their stories are not true. All he did was take off his towel to show them his weather vane.

Glenn Beck said Tuesday he's been diagnosed with macular dystrophy which could eventually blind him. This is very bad news for Democrats. The only thing that scares liberals more than Glenn Beck is Glenn Beck with a German shepherd at his side.

Great Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron was a hit speaking to White House tourists Tuesday. He said he loves America and everything it's done for the world. So there are some differences he has with President Obama which can never be bridged.

The White House forced a black Agriculture Department employee to resign Tuesday over racism charges although she was clearly innocent. It's another historic first for President Obama. He could be the first Democratic president to lose England, Israel and the black vote.

President Obama thanked the Senate for extending unemployment benefits to jobless Americans. He was sincere. He's grateful that members of his administration won't have to go on food stamps between the time they're fired and the time they're rehired.

The Statue of Liberty in New York was evacuated Wednesday when an alarm went off falsely indicating the presence of smoke. It was misinterpreted. The alarm in the Statue of Liberty goes off whenever President Obama signs a law taking over something.

BP neared completion of its Gulf of Mexico relief well Thursday. The low point was in June when waterfowl were shown on the beaches covered with oil. President Obama saw part of the videotape and told the Agriculture Secretary to fire the birds.

President Obama was criticized by gulf businessmen for choosing to vacation in Maine last weekend instead of at the gulf beaches as Michelle urged everyone. It's easy to see why. President Obama sees himself as a great man and great men integrate Maine.

-- Argus Hamilton

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