Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Classic Joke

Bob and his friend harry were going hunting for a couple of weeks, after not getting anything in the first week they decided to hunt closer to home.

Still after not getting anything they decided to go back to Bob's house...

On the way back Bob noticed that there was a strange car in his drive way next to his wife's car. Bob asked his friend to look through the sniper lens and see if he could see anything...His friend replied

Harry: "Your wife is cheating on you with another man!"

Bob: "That bitch, shoot her in her head and shoot him in his dick so that he can never do this to another mans wife again!!"

Harry: "Okay cool, I can get that in one shot."

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Political Funnies



Christmas Day Bomber Security Breach, Obama Takes Swipe At Bush

From The Lonely Conservative:

You didn’t expect Obama to not take a swipe at his predecessor, did you?

After realizing he looked like an incompetent boob for hiding in Hawaii after a terrorist boarded a US plane with his underwear loaded with explosives, The One’s advisors must have told him he needed to issue a stronger statement and defend Janet Napolitano. Sans tie, he made another statement today.

President Barack Obama said a “potential catastrophic breach” allowed the alleged Christmas Day bomber to set his attack into motion, as it emerged that multiple U.S. agencies met in mid-November to discuss a warning from the accused bomber’s father.

The father of terror suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab met on Nov. 19 with the Central Intelligence Agency at the U.S. embassy in Abuja, Nigeria, and told of his son’s likely radicalization, according to U.S. officials.

That led to a broader meeting the next day in which the information was shared with representatives of the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the State Department, a U.S. official said. Officials said it is unclear whether intelligence officials in Washington then effectively analyzed the information gathered in Nigeria.

I guess it was George Bush’s policy for CIA investigators to ignore warnings from the parents of radical Islamists.

“It’s becoming clear that the system that has been in place for years now is not sufficiently up to date to take full advantage of the information we collect and the knowledge we have.”

OK, the "system" that has been in place since 9/11 has worked. But wanting to close Gitmo, backing out of Iraq, worrying more about your rating than the American public, lending billions of our dollars to lenders who haven't helped anyone and wanting to talk to our enemies instead of taking action has worked? Come one now.

I used to live in Arizona and I didn't like Janet Napolitano. Just because you governed a border state doesn't mean you know whats going on. She was at constant odds with Sheriff Joe who is bad ass (also known as the toughest Sheriff in America because he actually does his job and deports illegals). And twice that I can recall that she has back tracked on actions or statements because of goofs in the Homeland Security Department since taking over.

Again this administration has taken another swipe and playing the blame game instead of taking action. You're a year in basically and most of what is in place began when you got elected and your "transition team" started negotiating the bailouts. I'd hate to see what happens if we were to ever get attacked again. God forbid.

In ObamaLand, the buck never stops with Obama.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Socialism Creeps In As America Sleeps

Read this article:

“Democrats on the take and in the dead of night pass an execrable piece of legislation that they haven’t read, the public doesn’t want and only socialists could love. What has happened to this country?”

http://www.investors.com/NewsAndAnalysis/Article.aspx?id=515934

Well ACORN just got a nice present

http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2009/12/exclusive_acorn_qualifies_for_1.asp

via memeorandum

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Let's Rock Out

I like posting the videos of songs I liked/loved. Here's one to rock out to enjoy on Sunday. Look for more to show up on a regular basis in between all the craziness I normally post.

More Pork The Government Wants To Pass Because They Think We're Idiots

Citizen’s Against Government Waste (CAGW) put together a list of the most egregious examples of pork in the defense budget. It’s disgusting.

# $3,385,000,000 added anonymously for four projects. This figure equates to 44.7 percent of the dollar amount included for earmarks in the bill. According to the Honest Leadership and Open Government Act of 2007, signed into law on September 14, 2007 by President George W. Bush, members of Congress are required to add their name to each earmark. However, they continue to violate this law by adding anonymous earmarks to fund projects – often big-ticket items – at the expense of taxpayers.

# $2,500,000,000 added anonymously for ten additional C-17 aircraft. In a floor statement posted on his website, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) voiced his opposition to the C-17 funding: “[w]hat we would do in this bill is effectively fund the purchase of new aircraft that we neither need nor can afford with critical sustainment money. That would have a significant impact on our ability to provide the day-to-day operational funding that our servicemen and women and their families deserve.”

# $465,000,000 added anonymously for the F136 alternate engine program. According to a November 10, 2009 Reuters article, deliveries of the F136 alternate engine will be delayed by one year. Built by General Electric and Rolls-Royce, the alternate engine program has had two major setbacks in as many months. In October, F136 testing was halted when a nut came loose, damaging turbine blades in the engine. Top military officials, former President Bush, President Obama, the Office of Management and Budget, and independent analysts all agree that the alternate engine should be eliminated. The project is expensive, unnecessary, and only survives because of pork-barrel politics.

# $250,000,000 added anonymously for advance procurement of components for the two DDG-51 destroyers planned in fiscal year 2011. According to a September 29, 2009 Associated Press article, the DDG-51 destroyer is “to be built in Pascagoula, Miss., home to Republican Sen. Thad Cochran....” Senate Appropriations Committee Ranking Member Thad Cochran (R-Miss.), Sens. Roger Wicker (R-Miss.), John Kerry (D-Mass.), and Paul Kirk (D-Mass.), and Rep. Travis Childers (D-Miss.) added $8,100,000 for a hybrid drive system for the DDG-51 destroyer.

ABC News also reported the waste in the spending bill, including the C-17’s the Department of Defense doesn’t even want. Later Charles Gibson asked President Obama if he’ll sign the bill even though it contains so much pork. Obama said something like “Well, I know there’s a lot of pork in there, but I have no choice but to sign the bill.” Well, he could have sent a message to Congress to send him a bill that doesn’t include a any pork. Maybe point out Pelosi’s recent promise to address the deficit. She could start by cutting out the lard. He could have vetoed the omnibus bill that increased spending. But the truth is, he has no problem with wasteful spending. He likes it. Look at all the previous spending, budget, bailouts and stimulus's he signed earlier in the year. Oh wait, he "inherited" all this...that's right

Why Capitalism Is The Real Driver Of Real Substained Growth

There’s an old saying: “Everyone’s a capitalist on the way up and a socialist on the way down.” People want it all—to reap the benefits of free markets, but be protected against any downside. Capitalism won’t abide. And that’s a good thing. It’s a system of inherent checks and balances, which can be swift and brutal during the pruning process. In rough times, we seem willing to sacrifice free markets’ benefits for perceived security from this process. Still, if free markets were restricted, what would happen to those checks? Subprime problems (or Bernie Madoff’s) were not revealed by regulators, but by markets. Note, politicians are human, too.

Capitalism and free markets are not ever-stable. They work precisely because they compel folks to take risks and seek to create excess value out of existing capital, in whatever form that might be. They’re examples of constant change and innovation. Change isn’t always comfortable—and much of it will fail—but when it moves society in a more efficient direction, society certainly becomes more profitable.

During crises, the balance always tilts toward government and away from capitalism. This doesn’t mean capitalism is done. But such things are always said in times like these. Government “solutions” can only carry the economy so far—it’s up to capitalism to drive real, sustained growth. That is, it’s up to the people who make an economy, not its turgid overseers.

From Carpe Diem

A Message From The Past

Dragnet Star Jack Webb Schools Obama, Geithner and Polanski On A Variety Of Issues

Watch these videos. I laughed when I saw them









Funny Video About "Global Warming"

Cat Christmas Funnies


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Roy E. Disney, Nephew Of Walt Disney Passes Away


See full article here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091216/ap_en_mo/us_obit_roy_disney;_ylt=AlFmB7SXFzF4V8F6AciP_3xxFb8C;_ylu=X3oDMTJqODlzMTFyBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkxMjE2L3VzX29iaXRfcm95X2Rpc25leQRjcG9zAzIEcG9zAzYEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDY29tcGFueXJveWRp

I've always been a fan of Disney and I thought that this was important to put up on here. If I remember correctly, he was the last family member to work or be on the board for the company.

My condolences to the Disney family

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Green Almighty Show This Week

Hi! Hope all is well.

Sorry for the late notice about this one. But if you don't already have plans this Thursday, you should come and hang out with us. Here are the details:

The Green Almighty at 9pm sharp!

Thurs, 12/17/09

The Lighthouse

30 Pier Ave.

Hermosa Beach, CA

21+, $5 cover.

Please say you are there to see the Green Almighty.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

50 Things To Do In A Church:

1 - Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
2 - A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".
3 - Put stray dogs in coat closets.
4 - Un-tune the piano.
5 - Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6 - Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7 - Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
8 - Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
9 - Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
10 - Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
11 - Start a wave.
12 - Do cool things with the lighting.
13 - When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
14 - Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
15 - When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
16 - Make up your own words to the songs.
17 -Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.
18 - Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
19 - If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
20 - Dress all in black, or in camo.
21 - Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two. Change sets for the evening service.
22 - If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
23 - At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
24 - Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.
25 - Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
26 - Inflate balloons, then send them off.
27 - Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.
28 - Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.
29 - Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
30 - Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
31 - During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
32 - Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.
33 - Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.
34 - Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.
35 - When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36 - Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
37 - Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
38 - Blow bubbles.
39 - Fake a possession.
40 - Distribute condoms.
41 - Speak in tongues.
42 - Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
43 - Drool in the collection plate.
44 - Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.
45 - After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed.
46 - Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".
47 - At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside.
48 - Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor.
49 - Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"
50 - Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight.

Joke I Found

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly Gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess Something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He Flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He Shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and Finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just What do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

A Rant By Me About A Sports Article I Read

Article here: http://sports.yahoo.com/top/blog/roy_s_johnson/post/Some-Sioux-want-to-save-their-mascot-but-Native;_ylt=AtMULUf_kScJUqgNKj88F1ZDubYF?urn=top,207956

I understand we are living in an era where everyone wants their own agenda pushed, wants people to apologize or I'm going to sue for every little thing, the media dictates who should be fired as a coach and not the school, big brother is watching etc etc etc, but making sports teams change their names because they are deemed "insensitive"?

Personally and from what I have read online, most Native Americans don't care about the nicknames. It's only a small group like 6 who keep suing teams like the Washington Redskins to change their name. The Sioux of North Dakota have said they are proud that the university uses their nickname. Florida State Seminoles don't seem to care nor do Natives when it comes to the Cleveland Indians or Atlanta Braves and all the tomahawk chants.

You don't hear people or myself getting all but hurt about the Boston Celtics nickname. Why you ask? I'm proud of my part Irish heritage but if you want to get technical it is pronounced "Keltic" or "Celt" but I'm not leading a band of attention starved and money hungry people to tell the team or new organizations to pronounce it correctly or change the name. Because of people like this, we already got Columbus Day removed from the books what more do you want?? (See my post on that subject here: http://welcometotrigger.blogspot.com/2009/04/no-columbus-day-at-brown-university.html )

Give me a break people....

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tiger Woods



Why is this such a big deal? Possibly thousands of people cheat everyday in this country. This is another example of celebrities being cast as role models and putting people on pedestals.
But I do wonder....why isn't or wasn't the wife charged or investigated on this as well?? Supposedly Tiger had scratches to his face that were not consistent with a car crash at 15 mph but were with a domestic violence case and then the rear windows were blown out with a golf club and the story to that was it was done to pull Tiger from the car because he was injured. To me, it sounds like she found out he was cheating, hit him and them chased him down the street with a golf club ready to do more damage to him but instead got his vehicle. I think the wife should be charged with aggravated assault property damage. The neighbors who witnessed this and called 911 obviously saw this. Why else would they hire a lawyer?
Again, double standard and must be nice to be rich. Get 4 points on your record and only pay a citation.
As one website put it: Ya, this about sums it up. You see that chick on the left? She’s about to become something like a half a billionaire by the end of 2010. Not bad for lying on your back for a few years.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Message

Why have I stayed at NCS for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you, even though you just tell them off... right to their face... over the phone. That's respect.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Another Obama Bow



Nice to see that our "savior" is bowing to another international leader. He barely shakes the hand of the Queen of England but bows to the Saudi King and now the Emperor of Japan. Nice

My First Half NFL Awards


So I was thinking of a new update for this thing since I haven't done a lot lately and as a big football fan (mainly college though), I challenged a couple of buddies to submit their first half picks for awards this year and then we will compare at the end of the season to see who is more accurate. So far here are mine:

Coach of the Year: Sean Payton

MVP (Offense): Drew Brees

MVP (Defense): Patrick Willis

Rookie of the Year (Offense): Percy Harvin

Rookie of the Year (Defense): Rey Maualuga

Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sesame Street Getting Polictical Now?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20091105/pl_ynews/ynews_pl968

Give me a break. If they also change the Cookie Monster to a "Veggie Monster", then we are all doomed.

PBS needs to be educational and good for kids like when I was a child. The media or even children shows need to stop being political because one writer thinks one way or another. Just teach the basics and let it be fun.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

AMAZING COINCIDENCES

Found these cruising the net. Pretty cool

1. A computer error gave two women in America called Patricia the same social security number. When the two women were brought together in an office to rectify the blunder they discovered that they had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell. Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell. Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941. They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other). They each had two children aged 19 and 21. They both had an interest in oil painting. Both had studied cosmetics. Both had worked as book-keepers.

2. In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend. Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life. Her distressed brother blamed his sister's death upon Henry, he went round to Henry's house, saw him out in the garden and tried to shoot him. Luckily, the bullet only grazed Henry's face and embedded itself in a nearby tree. In 1913, twenty years after this incident, Henry decided to use dynamite to uproot a tree in his garden. The explosion propelled the embedded bullet from the tree straight into Henry Ziegland's head - killing him immediately.

3. On December 5th 1660, a ship sank in the straights of Dover - the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams. On 5th December 1767, another ship sank in the same waters - 127 lost their lives, the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams. On 8th August 1820, a picnic boat capsized on the Thames - there was one survivor - Hugh Williams. On 10th July 1940, a British trawler was destroyed by a German mine - only two men survived, one man and his nephew - they were both called Hugh Williams.

4. Mr McDonald was a farmer who lived in Canada - nothing extra-ordinary in that - until you learn that his postcode contained the letter sequence EIEIO.

5. In 1996, Paris police set out to investigate a late night, high speed car crash, both drivers had been killed instantly. Investigations revealed that the deceased were in fact man and wife. Police initially suspected some kind of murder or suicide pact but it became apparent that the pair had been separated for several months - neither could have known that the other would have been out driving that night - it was just a terrible coincidence.

6. Michael Dick had been traveling around the UK with his family to track down his daughter, Lisa - who he had lost contact with ten years earlier. After a long fruitless search, he approached the Suffolk Free Press, who agreed to help him by putting an appeal in their newspaper. Fortunately, his long lost daughter saw the appeal and the pair were reunited. The odd thing was, his daughter had been right behind him when the free paper took the photograph - shown in the photograph above. What are the chances of that!

7. A fifteen year old pupil at Argoed High School in North Wales was to sit his GCSE examinations in 1990. His name was James Bond - his examination paper reference was 007.

8. In 1965, at the age of four, Roger Lausier was swimming off a beach in Salem - he got into difficulties and was saved from drowning by a woman called Alice Blaise. In 1974, on the same beach, Roger was out on a raft when he pulled a drowning man from the water - amazingly, the man he saved was Alice Blaise's husband.

9. British cavalry officer Major Summerford was fighting in the fields of Flanders in the last year of WW1, a flash of lightning knocked him off his horse and paralysed him from his waist down. He moved to Vancouver, Canada, six years later, whilst out fishing, Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again and the right side of his body became paralysed. After two years of recovery, it was a summer's day and he was out in a local park, a summer storm blew up and Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again - permanently paralyzing him. He died two years after this incident. However, four years after his death, his stone tomb was destroyed - it was struck by lightning!

10. Businessman Danie de Toit made a speech to an audience in South Africa - the topic of his speech was - watch out because death can strike you down at any time. At the end of his speech, he put a peppermint in his mouth, and choked to death on it!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Some Fun Facts

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.
The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.
The volume of water in the Amazon River is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.
Los Angele's full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula - and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple.
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland. More Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4.53 sq. km.
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'
St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.
Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A : 1%, in Canada: 75%
The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Some New Funnies





Kanye West Funnies

Here's a small collection of that jack-ass' recent quote put in pictures I have around found online. Enjoy!

























Thursday, October 8, 2009

30 Things To Do In An Exam When You're Going To Fail It Anyways

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy, PSP or whatever game thing you have. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

21 REASONS NOT TO HAVE KIDS

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things I've learned from my children:

A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

COMMENTS MADE IN THE YEAR 1955

I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?

If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon.

Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women have to work to make ends meet.

It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.

If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Fines Proposed For Going Without Health Insurance

So (as I have always thought), the President's plan for a government run health care system is falling apart. And because Pelosi and Reid aren't getting their way and loosing their party base on this issue, another representative is proposing making it mandatory to have health insurance the same as it is mandatory to have car insurance in most states. Bullshit.

The idea is to cover everyone regardless of age or health. Sweet. Smokers would be charged higher premiums and a person 60 or older would be charged 5 times more than a 20 year old. Wow.

The proposed bill would be a 10 year $900 billion and it would require hefty fees on insurers, drug companies and others in the health care industry to pay for it. good luck with that.

If this passes, there will be stiff financial penalties. Not that Uncle Sam is taking enough from me as it is and I haven't had any sort of a pay increase in the last 3 years to keep up with the cost of living.

Check these hightlights:
- Penalties would start at $750 a year for individuals and $1,500 a year for a family of four.
- Households making $66,000 a year would be charged the maximum of $3,800 a year and $950 for individuals.
- A tax credit would be offered but even if you work for a company that offers insurance, you still have to sign up and the employer would avoid penalties as well.

As the President, he's got a problem. Mainly because when he ran, he promised and campaigned for universal health care and against making people health insurance a requirement and fining people for not getting it. He proposed mandatory insurance only for children. And this proposed plan doesn't compete with private plans and force them to lower costs.

I'd like to see what happens next. Listen, I'd like insurance too, but not one that is government run. They're around too much as it is. Especially now with all the bailouts and the nice $9 trillion dollar extra in debt his spending and budget bills will be putting us in over the next 10 years.

This President is all about the spotlight, pleasing everyone and is non-confrontational. Now that most of his big plans are starting to go stale, time to get your feet wet and show me some of that change you promised.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Zombie Rock Apparel - Free Shipping In the Month Of September!!!


That's right kiddies,

Zombie Rock is kicking off the month of September by paying for shipping on all our apparel! Stop by our MySpace page at www.myspace.com/zombierockapparel and check out the store. We've got guys t-shirts, girls shirts, baby apparel, dickies and hoodies oh my!

Zombie Rock Apparel is a clothing line dedicated to the concept that zombies and instruments can be one in the same. We are the first horror clothing line to put rock instruments in the hands of zombies. With that said, come buy our shirts with zombies fucking some instruments up right now, and we'll cover your shipping!

What's that you say? We're crazy?

Well, you're right. We are abso-fuckin-lutely crazy! Come check out the site and help spread the Zombie Rock disease!!

Stay Undead,
Zombie Rock

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Good Person And Former Co-Worker Passed Away


It is with great sorrow that we announce the passing of Kellee Goettelmann, wife of First American Title Employee and our great friend Todd Goettelmann.

Kellee, who also had been employed by First American Title, graduated Heald College MIBC program in July. While pregnant with their second child, Kellee experienced complications due to a heart condition and was hospitalized.

At 30 weeks, she underwent a cesarean section to give birth to their 2lb, 12 oz. son, Jacob on August 6th. Jake appears to be thriving, but remains hospitalized. Kellee developed further complications and was taken in to surgery August 31st, where she passed away.

She leaves behind her loving husband, Todd, 2 year old daughter Abbey and newborn Jake. She was dearly loved by all her Family and many, many friends.

It is with love that we offer our support and funds in relief of this tragedy and we ask that you do the same.

A bank account has been opened with Bank of America for the Goettelmann Family. You may wire funds or make a deposit at any Bank of America. Make checks payable to: Fund for the Goettelmann Family, (email me for the account number. I don't want to post an account number on the net).

Thank you very much from the First American Title Family

I used to work with Kellee at NCS for a couple of years. She was one of the first people I met and hung out with when I first moved to the Sacramento area back in 2004. This is so sad to hear and if you could help them out, that would be awesome. Thank you.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Senator Kennedy Passes Away


The last Kennedy brother died last night from brain cancer. He was part of one of the most powerful and influential political families in history. Not to mention he was a huge liberal too. He had a pretty interesting life. See story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_kennedy_essay

Monday, August 17, 2009

For Guys That Need Help With Girls, Do This:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'fuck you, ' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

COOL FACTS ABOUT HUMAN BODY

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
You use 200 muscles to take one step.
The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopaedia Britannica
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side, and vice versa.
If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.
The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die.
Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.
The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
In one day, a human sheds 10 billion skin flakes. This amounts to approximately two kilograms in a year. Every square inch of the human body has about 19,000,000 skin cells.
Every hour one billion cells in the body must be replaced.
The human body makes anywhere from 1 to 3 pints of saliva every 24 hours.
The adult human body requires about 88 pounds of oxygen daily.
The width of your arm span stretched out is the length of your whole body.
There are as many hairs per square inch on your body as a chimpanzee. You don't see all of them because most are too fine and light to be noticed.
The average persons heart rate increases when they hear the word 'Trigger'. It's not uncommon for hot girls to pass out due to the excitement.
Dead cells in the body ultimately go to the kidneys for excretion.
By walking an extra 20 minutes every day, an average person will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year. Also the same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
There are approximately 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body.
Each day 400 gallons of recycled blood are pumped through the kidneys.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The human liver performs over 500 functions.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

John Hughes Dead


One of my favorite writers and directors John Hughes passed away today at 59. Here is a short list of some of the classics films he has written and or directed that has defined a generation and helped lead to call a group of people we now call the "Brat Pack".

National Lampoons Vacation
The Breakfast Club
Sixteen Candles
Pretty In Pink
Home Alone 1 & 2
Weird Science
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Uncle Buck
Beethoven
Mr. Mom

Monday, July 20, 2009

40th Anniversary Of The Moon Landing

Another reason why America is the best. Kennedy promised to put a man on the moon by the end of the 60's and we did it. Some say it was a hoax, but I believe it wasn't. I hope we're the first to Mars.
As Neil Armstrong said, "One giant leap for man, one giant leap for mankind".