1) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than you do.
2) You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
3) You've been married 3 times & still have the same in-laws.
4) You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
5) You wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
6) You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines".
7) You lit a match in the bathroom & your house exploded right off its wheels.
8) Your front porch collapses & kills more than 5 dogs.
9) You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
10) You need 1 more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House-O-Tattoos.
11) You use toilet paper as your tampons.