Thursday, October 30, 2008


10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. It's OK when the person you're with fantasises you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.

AND the No. 1 reason why trick or treating is better than sex - YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh. I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a shit.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a fucking people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door..........1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. Aren't you a black hole of need.
42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
45. If you have something to say raise your hand... then place it over your mouth.
46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
47. Don't let your mind wander, it's too small to be let out on its own.
48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
50. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Great Video I Customized....You Can Too

I'm a Republican, but I thought this customized video that you can have done on which is paid for by the liberal is great. I hope this really does happen. Enjoy, I did!!

Monday, October 20, 2008


CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER: What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Beyonce, Quit Stealing Other People's Material!

It's been reported many many times in the past that Beyonce and her team of mangers are creatively challenged, so they often resort to stealing material and ideas from others who came before them or from new singers and songwriters who have no power to stop them. Oh hey have you heard her new song, "If I Were A Boy"?

Fox News says...
The story behind "If I Were a Boy" is absolutely scandalous … the young woman who wrote the melody and lyrics had no idea Beyonce had even recorded her song until a stranger called with the news. By then, it was too late. BC Jean is a hot, up-and-coming, 21-year-old female singer songwriter from San Diego. Those who’ve met her says she’s smart and "gorgeous" (but) she and her manager/mother have been strong-armed by Beyonce’s people and others who saw gold in "If I Were a Boy" and didn’t care how they got it. BC Jean wrote and recorded about a dozen songs with German pop-factory producer Toby Gad for an album … when the deal fell apart, Gad took the songs and started marketing them to big name, established artists. When I wrote about Beyonce’s version of "If I Were a Boy" last week … plenty of people knew the saga of Beyonce’s manager/father Mathew Knowles’ aggressive pursuit of the publishing rights to the potential hit record. His goal was to get the rights to the song and to put Beyonce’s name on the writing credits.

And from

I don't get why the law is so helpless in situations like this. Beyonce raped this girl and is gonna get away with it because she's rich. Not literally of course. I shouldn't have said "rape". People throw that word around too loosely, IMO. Especially the prosecutors in my case. Why can't we call it, "an unrequited love affair". See? Doesn't that sound better?

Funny Thing About "Joe The Plumber"...

Real Name isn't Joe. It's Samuel J. Wurzelbacher

He doesn't own his own plumbing business, but works for one. But technically cannot be called one because the state of Ohio requires them to have a license and neither does "Joe" or his employer have one. Can't you get arrested for working without a license? Here in California you can and they do.

And Obama was quoted as saying he wants "Joe" to "...spread the wealth...". So that means, Obama wants to take more of your/my hard earned money and give it to others. First of all, I want more money in pocket and why should I spread the wealth around, when my tax dollars already doesn't go to half the crap I/we vote on in the first place?? I'm a victim of the current economic crisis right now and I could use all I can get.

And another thing, how can this guy be talking and worrying about how much he's going to be taxed, when in his life, he's had 2 tax liens against him and the most recent one is still outstanding for over $1,100. That means he still hasnt taken care of his 2007 taxes. Nice.

Gotta love how most of the media is left-winged and everyone is getting so ga-ga over this story.

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost .

  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Thanks to Angel at DaddyRose and ArgosTheDog for these awesome facts!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The New Face Of My P.E.T.A. Campain

Yup....People Eating Tasty Animals

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

You know you're trailer trash when....

1) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than you do.
2) You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
3) You've been married 3 times & still have the same in-laws.
4) You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
5) You wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
6) You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines".
7) You lit a match in the bathroom & your house exploded right off its wheels.
8) Your front porch collapses & kills more than 5 dogs.
9) You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
10) You need 1 more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House-O-Tattoos.
11) You use toilet paper as your tampons.


When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.

Sex, like business, is better with multiple partners.

I want to start a college course called Couch 101. It'll be a class that anybody can sit in on.

Friday, October 10, 2008


What was Frankenstein's first name? Contrary to popular notion, Mary Shelley's monster was nameless. Frankenstein was the creator-doctor. His first name was Victor.

Thomas Edison was a judge at the first "Miss America" beauty contest in 1880.

In 1940, accountants discovered the financial records of Benjamin Franklin at the archives of Philadelphia's Bank of America. According to their findings, Franklin, who was "the master of thrift", was overdrawn on his account at least three times each week.

Which state was the 39th to be admitted into the Union? No one knows. North and South Dakota, the 39th and 40th states, were admitted on the same day. President Benjamin Harrison never revealed which of the two proclamations he signed first.

The word "kangaroo" means "I don't know" in the language of Australian aborigines. When Captain Cook approached natives of the Endeavor River tribe to ask what the strange animal was, he got "kangaroo" for an answer.

The Harlem Globetrotters never played in Harlem until 1968 -- forty years after the team came together.

Adolf Hitler owned nine thousand acres of land in Colorado. When it was discovered in 1942 that Hitler had inherited title to the land from relatives in Germany, it was being used by ranchers as grazing land.

The five interlocking Olympic Rings are coloured black, blue, red, white, and yellow because at least one of those colours appears in every national flag in the world.

Check Back For More Soon!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Hey Hasselhoff!!

I'm not trying to "hassell the hoff", but seriously, You Smell Like Whiskey And Cheeseburgers!!And you never called me and my friends back.


What is a "Joe Six-Pack"?

Sarah Palin has referred to putting "...government back on the side of the people of Joe Six-Pack like me..." A "Joe Six-Pack" would probably wear a shirt with a blue collar and lives someplace on Main Street, or at least sometimes goes to Main Street, perhaps to pick up a six-pack.

We (Joes) will likely drink that six-pack at our kitchen table, where, if I was married, myself and my wife, the "Soccer Mom", would talk about how it feels to personify Middle America and how Washington insiders are out of touch. And they are.

Fact is, "Joe Six-Pack" knows a lot of so-called blue-collar types that politicians aim for: plumbers, electricians, truck drivers, farmers, and probably the guy who owns the local car repair shop. "Joe Six-Pack" is the one the politicians seem to like best. It can be said that we are heckuva nice guy(s) too. We drink, but we never drink and drive. When we do drive, "Joe" would be the last person to tailgate or cut anybody off in traffic. "Joe Six-Pack" just Wants What is Best for America.

Another fact is that the average Joe and blue-collar types generally are the life blood of America. We aren't rich and we're not poor. We are right in the middle and because of that we get screwed on a lot of assistance programs or health benefits that would help ease the burden from month to month and rarely do they help us when we do need it.

I just want to mention I am getting a little bored with the statements that, especially, the Liberals have been using such as "...problems on Main Street". They want to help "Main Street". Most Washington insiders and politicians are so far out of touch with mainstream America and play party politics, that they don't even know what people like you or I even want anymore, non the less on Main Street. Hell, over half of the policticians in both houses are "rich" and are family legacies and don't remember what it's like to struggle from paycheck to paycheck. The only reason why they say they "understand what we're going through", is probably because they took an $80,000 or so hit on their stock portfolio recently when the Dow Jones dropped 777 points in one day. Oh boo-hoo.

I read an article online from a person named Robert Paul Reyes from and he said in his arcle that a "Joe Six-Pack" quote "...lives in a trailor park..." and "Sarah Palin is not vice-presidential or Joe Six Pack material, she's a moose-killing hockey mom who is out of her element".

He also went on to say "Even if Palin resembled a Joe Six-Pack, that's not necessarily a good thing. I don't want a freakin' Joe-Six Pack negotiating nuclear arm treaties with Russia. I want a Harvard educated statesman with years of community and pubic service in the White House. I don't want a president I would feel comfortable drinking a beer with; I have plenty of slacker friends that I enjoy going to the pub with".

For anyone who really knows me, they know that I follow history and politics. Listen, me personally and as a conservative, this is a nice change of pace. That "moose-killing hockey mom", is closest thing that either party has had to represent and connect with the average person is years and if you watched the V.P. Debate last Thursday night, she made excellent points that all of us needed and wanted to hear. It's not like Hilary for instance who has to "ride the coat tails of her husband" to get to where she is at. She'd be nothing if her husband wasn't the president at one time.

The "Joe Six-Packs" of the this great country are the ones who break our backs everyday, struggle to make ends meat, live (like me sometimes less than), paycheck to paycheck and are the ones that the military calls on to defend herself.

So with that being said, "I AM A JOE SIX-PACK" AND PROUD OF IT.

Friday, October 3, 2008


Please check back for more as I post some in the future. We will start with these for now. Enjoy!!

  • You can't create a folder called 'con' in Microsoft Windows.
  • All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
  • The smallest human penis ever recorded was just 5/8 of an inch long.
  • Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
  • About 1 in 30 people in the U.S. are in jail, on probation, or on parole.
  • Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.
  • The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
  • Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.
  • The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
  • An average persons hand does 56% of the typing.
  • The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.
  • Some Malaysians protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.
  • The only two animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.
  • Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 18 inches per year!
  • Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.
  • An octopus' testicles are located in its head.
  • Oenophobia is the Fear of wines.
  • The average person spends three years of his or her life on a toilet.
  • Welcome To Trigger readers are better looking, have larger penises and nicer boobs.
Some of these intersting facts were found online as well as


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

PURE ENTERTAINMENT #1 Place For Nightlife In Sacramento

"No B.S. Just Pure Entertainment"

PURE entertainment is an executive promoting company based out of Sacramento, Ca (Northern California). Their business is to DO business by providing emmense traffic flow to venues and/or resturants using their expert promotional services.

Pure Entertainment is known for their great organizational skills, the ability to construct premire parties (both public and private), club parties, special events, and special networking skills. And don't forget about the professional style pictures!

Since their inception in early 2007 by the one and only Philip Isidro, they have promoted at venues in the greater Sacramento area such as Barcode Ultra Lounge, Paradise Junction, The Station Ultra Lounge, Zokku, Azukar, Avalon, Tokyo Fro's Sushi Bar, Dragonfly, Club 21, and Zinfadel Grille.
PURE Entertainment has also in partnered in great causes such as the "I Am Filam" and Breast Cancer walks.

I have personally known Philip Isidro for a few years now and even worked with him on some of his promotions and with his knack for promoting, the drive he posses to be the best, along with the passion he puts behind each one of his events, why wouldn't you go with him and PURE Entertainment? The choice is clear.
If you are interested in using or joining PURE Entertainment, please feel free to contact them at

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Tim Neighbors is "Mr. Talented"

What can you say about Tim Neighbors? I could say a lot. Such as:

  • Good Friend

  • Great Singing Voice

  • Creative

  • Smart

  • He Whistled At My Mom Once

  • Cheap Date

  • Party Animal

  • Disease Free
But in all seriousness, I have known Tim for over 10 years (since high school). Tim is a very creative, smart and has a gift. The gift of music. I like to say he has "honey in his voice". He currently is the front man for two, yes two bands in the L.A. area. I have personally heard both the bands live and let me tell you, they ROCK!!!! I personally recommend you check out their websites (shown below), check out some samples and catch a show.

Along with being the front man for two bands, he also did a documentary called "Enter The Cage", has worked at the Oscars the last several years, been in the recording and sound studios editing and creating, and worked as an extra on a couple of low to mid budget movies.


Zombie Rock is it!!!

The owner, Charles Eck of Los Angeles, has an awesome company and knows his stuff. Charles puts 100% style and character into each design. He has actual people model for these pieces of art.Zombie Rock Apparel, combining the gore-tastic, flesh-eating, dead-walking ways of the zombie uprising with the relentless destruction of musical instruments!

Want a t-shirt? Buy 'em at! How 'bout a hoodie? Yeah, they got 'em! All apparel can be purchased through paypal securely and safely. Okay, ya might get a blood splat or two on the shirts, but stains build character, so deal with it scumdogs! Look forward to more freakish designs and the Zombie Rock official website coming soon.

I personally own some Zombie Rock Apperal and would recommend it to anyone. You can catch them everyear at Fangoria.

All Zombie Rock Artwork courtesy of Alex Kozlowski.